·        Nurse (Firefighter, Police Officer, etc.)

·        Bartender

·        Big Brother (or Little, Middle)

·        Big Sister (or Little, Middle)

·        Dad (or Mom)

·        Moms! They're like Dad's, only smarter

·        Grandchildren Are God's Reward For Not Killing Your Kids

·        Mothers of little boys work Son up till Son down

·        Having children is like being pecked to death by a chicken

·        Annoy me at your own Risk

·        Don't play stupid with me, I'm better at it

·        I think I'll surprise everyone and skip my medication today

·        It's not denial. I'm just very selective about the reality I accept

·        It seemed like a good idea at the time

·        I can imagine the duct tape over your mouth already

·        How About A Nice Hot Cup Of Shut The **** Up?

·   Silence is Golden. Duct Tape is Silver

·        Your opinion is not valid here

·        When I want your opinion, I will have you fill out the necessary paperwork

·        I do what the voices in my head tell me to do

·    You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME

·        I’d rather be fishing (or boating, skiing, shopping, etc.)

·        I’m a beautician, not a magician

·        I’m confused! Wait, maybe I’m not!

·        Multi-Talented Individual (I can talk and piss you off at the same time)

·        Ask Me About My Ability To Annoy Complete Strangers

·        Just give me the crown

·        Department of REDUNDANCY Department

·        Marriage is grand, Divorce is $20 grand

·        Marriage: The end of a perfectly good sex life!

·    Marriage: The ultimate cause of divorce!

·        The Shortest Sentence Is "I Am." The Longest Is "I Do"

·        Next boyfriend, please

·        Flirting my way to the top!

·        Princess

·        Future Trophy Wife

·        Handle with care

·        Irreplaceable

·        Procrastinators unite…tomorrow

·       I Always Wanted To Be A Procrastinator

·        Are you stoned or just stupid?

·        Rehab is for quitters

·        My anger management class pissed me off

·       I hated Bush before it was cool

·        No More Bushit!

·        After We Bring DEMOCRACY TO IRAQ, Can We Have A Little Here?

·        Proud to be an American

·        Press 1 for English? The last time I saw the flag it was still red, white, & blue!

·        I will not press 1 for English!

·        The only thing worse than being alone is being with you!

·        Anti-Social

·        Do I LOOK like a people person to you?

·        It's only funny until someone gets hurt, then it's hilarious!

·        The Police Never Think It's As Funny As You Do!

·        Here I Am! Now What Are Your Other 2 Wishes?

·        I'M STILL HOT... it just comes in flashes now

·        DREAM DATE - when you wake up, I'll be gone!

·        You Can’t Make A Person Love You... you can only stalk them & hope for the best

·        When the pepper spray runs out, can I have your number?

·        WANTED: Meaningful Overnight Relationship

·        Just Two Women Away From A Threesome!

·      Don't flatter yourself, I was looking at your friend!

·       Boy Toy

·        If a man speaks in the forest, and there is no woman to hear him, IS HE STILL WRONG?

·      Bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable

·       Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types

·        Designated Driver

·        Drinks Well With Others

·        Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol

·        My drinking team has a bowling problem

·      Grab your balls, we're going bowling!

·      Take me drunk, I'm home

·        Save Water, Drink Beer

·        Beer Pong Champion

·        Also Available In Sober

·        Will flash for BEER

·        BEER, It's what's for dinner

·        YOU CAN'T STAY DRUNK ALL DAY ...if you don't start in the morning

·        I used to drink alot. I still do, but I used to, too

·        You look like I need another DRINK

·        If You Can Read This, Put Me Back Up On The Barstool (printed upside down, of course)

·        don't drink & Myspace

·        You looked better on Myspace

·        Nobody cares about your BLOG

·        You are sooo off my Buddy List

·    Boldly Going Nowhere

·        Disgruntled Employee Of The Month

·        You don't have to be CRAZY to work here, but it helps!

·        Don't Make Me Violate Probation!

·    I'm Not A Racist, I Hate Everyone Equally

·        My other t-shirt is dirty

·    Temporarily Out of Service

·        What Boyfriend?

·        Your boyfriend wants me

·        Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?

·        SAVE YOUR BREATH...you'll need it later to blow up your date

·       It Wasn't Me

·        DON'T STEAL! The I.R.S. hates competition

·        Caution! Blonde Working

·        Sometimes I wonder... "Why Is That Frisbee Getting Bigger?" ...and then it hits me.

·        4 Out Of 3 People Have Trouble With Fractions

·        If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes

·        He who laughs last thinks slowest

·        I'm not so good at the advice ...can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

·        Fight Crime, Shoot Back!

·    I am sofa king we todd did

·        I Don't Lend Money, It Causes Amnesia

·        I love ALL women (except the annoying, know it all, loud mouth, baggage carrying, & she thinks she's too good for me one's)

·        Let's hear it for deaf people

·        Stupid Should Hurt

·    Cleverly Designed as an Adult

·        Without ME it's just AWESO

·        BIG FUN in a little package

·        A.D.D. Attention Deficit Dis...Wait, What?

·        Domestic Goddess

·        Who needs brains when you have these?

·        You call me BITCH like it's a bad thing

·        Being unstable and Bitchy is all part of my MYSTIQUE

·        I have PMS and ESP! That makes me a bitch that knows everything

·        I Don't Have PMS I'm just a bitch

·        I have PMS and a handgun…any questions?

·        Spoiled (or Spoiled Rotten)

·        Brat (or Spoiled Brat)

·        Biker Mom (or Girl, Chick, Bitch, Dad, etc.)

·        If You Can Read This, The Bitch (or Ass, Idiot, etc.) Fell Off

·        Who Are All These Children and Why Are They Calling Me Mom?

·    I child proof my house, but they still keep getting in!

·        Stop reading my shirt (print this one upside down)

·        I see dumb people

·        .mp3 thief

·        Old People Rock

·        DRIVE FASTER, I hear gunfire!

·        Mess with me, mess with the whole trailer park

·        It's only kinky the first time

·        Crack Whores are People Too!

·        SEX, do it for the kids

·        HERPE, the love bug!

·        Textually Active :]

·        Practice Safe Lunch, Use a Condiment!

·        Relish today, Ketchup tomorrow

·        Sticks & Stones May Break My Bones, But Whips & Chains Excite Me

·        I'm here for a GOOD time, not a LONG time

·        You’re ugly & your mother dresses you funny

·        Lead Me Not Into Temptation, for I'll find it myself

·        When God made man, she was only kidding!

·        Jesus may love you, but everyone else thinks you're an idiot

·        Jesus is coming, LOOK BUSY

·        If Money Is The Root Of All Evil, Why Do Churches Beg For It?

·        Your Village Called, They're Missing Their Idiot

·        I See You're Playing Stupid Again... Looks Like You're Winning,  Too!

·        Your Proctologist Called, He Found Your Head

·        LIBRARIAN, the original search engine

·        illegal immigrant

·        Quit Bitching, Start A Revolution Instead!

·        Volunteering: it doesn't pay

·        I Work Hard Because Millions Of People On Welfare Are Depending On Me

·        This is the worst day of my life again

·        Kiss me I’m Irish (or Italian, German, etc.)

·        Dear Santa, define naughty

·        Dear Santa, I can explain

·        Naughty

·        Kill Phil 02.02

·        This IS My Halloween Costume

·        I Don't DO Costumes, now step aside, you're stepping on my imaginary dog!

·        Witches Gone Wild

·        0 to Witch in 60 seconds

·        333 (I'm Only Half Evil)

Weight Conscious:

·       Does this make me look fat?

·       I beat anorexia (printed on a size xxx shirt)

·        I may be fat, but you're ugly...I can lose weight!

·        Inside me is a thin woman trying to get out. I usually shut the bitch up with chocolate

·        Please don't feed the models

·        I'm not fat, I'm fluffy

·        I'm not fat, I'm pregnant

·        Fat Girls Can Cook!

·        Dear Lord, if I can't be skinny, please make all my friends fat!

·    If it jiggles, it's fat!

·        For GOOD LUCK, Rub My Tummy!

·    FAT!SO?

·        I don't skinny dip! (I chunky dunk)

·        Baby Phat

·        Never trust a skinny cook!

Special Occasions:

·        (Last Name Here) Family Reunion 200(?)

·        10 Year class reunion (name location, school, year)

·        50^th Anniversary

·        Bachelor

·        Bachelorette

·        Over the hill

·        Old And Unimproved! now with 1/3 more fat

·        Birthday boy

·        Birthday girl

·        SPANK ME! (it's my birthday)

·        Bride

·        Christmas in July 200(?) (name campground)

·        Class of (name year)

·        Graduate 200(?) (name school)

·        Groom

·        I’m not 40, I’m $39.95

·        Celebrating the 19th Anniversary of my 21st Birthday

·        Kiss me, it’s my birthday

·        Maid of Honor  

Other Ideas:

·        Wear your website on your shirt

·        Tell a Joke (joke on front of tee, the answer on the back)

·        Call me: 555-1234 (Wear your phone number on your shirt)

Aqua

Azalea

Baltic Blue

Bamboo Green

Birch

Black

Brown

Burnt Orange

California Blue

Cardinal

Cornflower Blue

Cyber Pink

Dark Graphite

Dark Lavender

Deep Purple

Forest Green

Fossil Grey

Gold

Green Mist

Island Yellow

Jade

Kelly

Khaki Brown

Kiwi

Light Blue

Light Orange

Maroon

Natural

N. Carolina Blue

Olive Green

Oxford

Peri Blue

Pink

Safety Green

Sandstone

Texas Orange

True Navy

True Red

True Royal

Vintage Maroon

Vintage Navy

White

Yellow Haze